Ashlie

This is Ashlie...my teenager. I have a teenager. See, before I married DH 3 1/2 years ago, I wasn't scheduled to have a teenager until October of 2008. And that teenager was (and still is) a boy. But with the acquisition of my soul mate/significant other/all-around-stone-fox-of-a-babe DH, I got me a teenage daughter. And she's, like, seeeeew awesome!

I started homeschooling all my children when we married. I was also selected to administer the "talk" to my new teenager. The thought of this area of education made me want to curl up in the fetal position. You see, I have a really juvenile sense of humor. I am not kidding. Don't believe me?

5 things Katy laughs at:

1. Flatulence

2. People tripping (falling: a bonus)

3.When someone says "duty"

4.When my youngest dd points at something, she uses her middle finger

5. We are in the middle of building a new Children's building at our church. In the project timeline handed out to the ENTIRE church body it said (I kid you not)

"October 12, 2007 Complete erection of all structural steel"

**note- Reading that in church will make you laugh so hard you might just pee a wee bit. Not that I did. I have complete control of my bladder. Even when I sneeze.

So, this might give you an idea of how "the talk" went over. There were giggles, hand drawn phallic images, awkward pauses...and a history lesson. One of the pictures I drew actually looked like this. Which led up to the climax of our discussion. So to speak.

About her...she is the most responsible and trustworthy child I've ever met. Ashlie makes me want to be a better person. She opened her arms to our relationship and has allowed me to step in as her mother. She came through a very traumatic time when her parents divorced with true grace and wisdom. She puts up with my flaws without being judgemental and acts like she values my advice. :) She's so mature for her age that most of the time, I see her as a third partner in running this household. I have to be careful of that because with seven people in this house things get busy and I fear I might give her too much. I have to remind myself that she's still just a punk kid that needs to be able to mess up and be a punk. It doesn't happen very often. Ever, really.

But Ashlie? It's OK if it you mess up. Even though I never do (wink, wink), I will try not to laugh if you trip or break wind. Or say duty. hee-hee

Ashlie likes:

Shopping

Christian music

Shopping

Primping Loree (Not pimping! You have such dirty minds! Hair, nails, etc. You should be ashamed of yourselves!)

Shopping

Starbucks

Shopping

Bible Study

Shopping

Email

Shopping

80's music (thank you very much)

and.....shopping

I love you, Flashlie. I want to be like you when I grow up. No pressure. ;)

Rich with forks

Look at all of my forks, man!

I am in the process of de-crapping my house. I am a terrible housekeeper. The book I'm reading says I shouldn't say things like that about myself but it's a fact and I want to change. So, I started last week by shining my sink. It has stayed clean for five days! Every morning I am waking up and getting dressed to the shoes. It has really helped me stay motivated and I've gotten a lot accomplished. Today, I got rid of 27 books and I organized my utensil drawers. When DH and I combined our two households, I failed to get rid of extra stuff. Along with what we've accumulated in the last 3 1/2 years, well, we have a lot of crap. We have 42 forks. 42! We have 4 peelers and 7 mixer thingys.(looked this up...they're called beaters) Not sure where the eighth one went. Or why I didn't know they were called beaters. Don't say beaters again. Or crap.

So, I mentioned I love my thesaurus. I think I sound unclassy using the word crap so I got out my little buddy and tried to find another word. I really liked horse$**t, but that kind of defeats the purpose and doesn't convey the meaning I'm looking for here. Other choices were piffle, bilge, ca-ca, guano, poppycock and malarky. None of these really work either. So I went to junk. Riff raff, scrap, debris and folderol. I'll stick with crap. Sorry, Nana.

Anyhoo...I'll be posting regularly my progress so I have some accountability. I'm also learning the whole picture "thang", so bear with me.

Bonbons and Oprah

I felt like it was time for me to try to add something here. I joke with Katy when I get home sometimes and can tell she had a rough day home schooling and managing our household. I say, “Ahh…a day of lying on the couch and eating bonbons and watching Oprah.” (never happened). Katy is kind of busy planning for the seven of us to attend two weddings and have two birthdays along with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and helping me run my business. By the way, did I mention that she is doing this while keeping up with the kids’ schooling and the house and taking excellent care of me? I try to help when I can, but most of the time I think I slow things down or upset the system. I will ask what I can do to help and 99% of the time the answer is “you are doing it”; I do not understand what it is but will be glad to keep it up because it is easy. Did I mention she is HOT?!

This is one of Katy's favorite places:

Katrina's Big Fat Butt...or Why My Laptop Died

This is Katrina. She has a big, fat butt. She likes her sizable tuchis to be warm. Apparently, this can be achieved by placing the large, corpulent arse on my laptop. Many mornings I would come downstairs to find said tush on my computer. I would shoo her off to find my computer screen filled with kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk...

You get the picture.

I finally wised up and started to close the laptop, but Katrina's colossal keister had taken it's toll.

Katrina is now an outdoor cat due to unrelated issues. (She started peeing in my closet. I think she was acting out because I got rid of her bun warmer.) She now finds thermal satisfaction on the hoods of cars and various sunny spots in the yard.

Disclaimer: I took this photo. My DH is an excellent professional photographer and these shots make his hiney cringe. I'm just learning the ins and outs of actually getting the pictures off my camera, so be patient with me.

Disclaimer: I am also declaring this Thesaurus Thursday. I love my thesaurus and use it often so I don't have to use cuss words. My Uncle Nate always told me that people who cuss have a limited vocabulary. Oh, wait, no he always said to tilt the glass a little more to get less of a head. He also told me to make sure to rinse off all of the soap when washing dishes or you'll get a tummy ache. Maybe it was my dad. But NO one can string a line of obscenities together like my dad when he stubs his toe on the bed. Well, whoever it was, they can go perform the marriage act with themselves. See what I did there? Thesaurus.

Teaching Hate

Lesson 39 of Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons...I've taught three of my kids to read with this program and it works! But, somewhere around lesson 39, it gets really frustrating. The child almost has it down; they're almost over the hump. If you've taught a child to read, you know there is just a point that they "get it". By lesson 39 you have most of the letter sounds mastered and they start introducing words with silent letters. The words on the list usually rhyme. One of the tasks is for the child to read a list the words by sounding them out and then saying them the "fast way". Guh-aaate...gate. This list was:

wow

cow

ate

hate

gate

So Loree is reading the list. "wow" "cow" "ate"...we come to "hate". She hesitates a little...

Me: OK, Loree, it rhymes with ate...

Loree:"ate"

Me: No, it rhymes with ate...starts with "h".

Loree: Huh-aaaate...ate

Me: No, keep the "huh" on it...huh-aaaate

Loree: Huh-aaaate...ate UGHH! Mom I can't do it! (Hands in hair, squirm, hits head on book. see photos)

ME: OK...don't get frustrated...if you really don't like something, yoooou...

Loree: Ate? (bursts into giggles) Yeah, mom, I eat it...like a monster!

**Sigh**

Loree: It's hate. I got it now, Mom.

So, you see? I successfully taught my child hate today.